Online Dating Dilemma #43

by Julie Robinson

Online dating has always been hit or miss. While it’s possible to meet really intriguing, fun men online—the doozies certainly outnumber the gems.   How can you tell if someone is a diamond in the rough or a complete moron from the get go?  Let me illustrate for you. 

I received an initial message from an online suitor which read:

11/9/2012 11:01:14 PM***

Hello Julie, how are you?......
I’m Jarrod and I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to email you because after reading your profile, it sounds positive to me. You simply seem like a lady with class to her, and genuine and honest in wanting to find a relationship.

I would welcome the opportunity to get to know you better. So I would like to ask you to take a moment and review my profile. Then I thought I would see if you would like to correspond by email here for a little bit to see how it goes?.....

Talk Soon,
Jarrod

I took a quick peek at his profile, perused his profile pictures, and decided he was not someone I wanted to pursue.  Now, as far as etiquette goes, the best way for me to respond would be with a quick, “No thank you” email BUT just letting the email go with no response is also within the norms of acceptability with online dating.  I chose the latter. 

Now, you could be saying to yourself right now: How rude!  Who the hell does she think she is?  In the real world, if someone introduced himself to me in a bar, for instance, I wouldn’t just turn my back on him without any acknowledgement.  I have some class.  But with this online stuff, I find that the quickest way to get rid of someone is to give him the silent treatment. 

Jarrod would have none of it.  About one week after his first email I received this:

11/15/2012 4:10:33 PM

If I somehow offended you in ANY way, I am so sorry! And I promise that was never my intention. I just cant figure out why I have not hear back from you. You know, I truly think your a lady who is worth it, so just a couple quick thoughts here.....

I'm just being honest in telling you that I'm truly baffled that you did not write back, after I can see you read my email. So I wanted to write you one more time in the hopes that this time, it comes across to you as TRULY interested in you from my heart. As I honestly am. When I first emailed you, I just wanted to be careful in not complementing you (to much).

Because in past times, I have discovered that lady’s do not like that for some odd reason.
But really....something that intrigued me about your profile is that you don't try to sell yourself with any fake qualities! And I don’t feel that other ladies actually know how important that can really be, if there is meant to be a relationship.

Also just as important....it means allot at how it does appear to me that you are wanting everything, that MAKES a Healthy relationship in general. Believe it or not, it is tough to find a lady on a dating site that would appreciate it all. And ultimately, I am looking for all the same things as well.

I honestly feel I have allot to offer. But that’s not to brag! But I just wish I knew what could be more important to lady....other than a guy that would respect her, would care for her and always do the BEST he could for her. Without playing games behind her back!

I also think YOU have allot to offer as well. And I just want to level with you and tell you...this is the longest email I have ever written to one lady. But again, I would never have done it if I did not think your worth it!

Since I did not hear back from you....did I say something to Offend you??
If not, would you like to reply so that we can communicate for a while and see how it goes?....

Jarrod

Can we say excessive? If I were to respond to Jarrod this go around—and by no means would I at this point—here are a few pointers I would give beyond my snarky wish that everyone would use Spellcheck:

·         Learn the norms of online dating.  If you send out a feeler and it gets ignored and you really want to reach out to this person, have your next stab be short and sweet.

·         Don’t assume that an ignored email automatically means you’ve been offensive.  Now, about halfway through your extreme email, I was beginning to feel a bit put off.  I wouldn’t say offended exactly, but I certainly felt repelled. 

 

·         If someone has chosen to ignore your first attempt, stringing your positive attributes together sounds desperate as opposed to strong.

·         Instead of sending off with, “Would you like to reply . . . .?” (which sounds wimpy), go ahead and pull yourself up straight and declare: “I would love to hear from you.”

Has anyone else come across a Jarrod who is completely stymied that you don’t have any interest in him?  Have you ever been a Jarrod who is so clueless it’s almost painful?  How about any other bitches out there who ignore these poor men instead of sending them off with a simple, “Thanks, but no thanks”?

***Besides spacing and paragraphing for easier reading, I did not alter Jarrod’s messages in any way.