Golden Pussy Revisited

by Julie Robinson

  Have you ever sought advice for your love life?  Maybe you read self-help dating books or write to “experts” asking for advice.  Like most of us, you probably consult your friends.  Not too long ago, I wrote an article for Dating Sauce where I shared a story and asked for help on a topic close to my heart—I wanted to learn how to get a Golden Pussy. 

Honestly, it didn’t seem like too much to ask.  I’ve seen it in many situations where a man is completely taken with a woman and will do pretty much anything she asks in just about every situation.  I wanted a piece of that.  Wouldn’t you?

I got the idea for wanting a golden pussy while shopping for used furniture.  The seller and I were haggling over the price of an antique buffet, I was completely distracted by how good looking the man was who was giving me such a hard time about its price.

ME:  Seeing that I will need to do some work on the drawers, I think $75 is fair. 

GORGEOUS ONE:  I can’t take less than $85.  C’mon, it’s in great condition.

The details on the buffet were stunning with raised floral bouquets and etched grooves.  We both knew that the piece was worth way more than I was going to give him, but I was there in his living room and I had cash.

ME:  Let’s meet in the middle for $80 then.  Why are you getting rid of this, anyway?

GORGEOUS ONE:  My girlfriend is moving in and she doesn’t like my taste in furniture.

If I had not been wearing paint splattered jeans, “do rag”, and a smelly T-shirt (I was working, after all) the wind would have definitely come out of my proverbial sails.  As it was, I looked so incredibly not-hot that I was in no position to flirt to begin with.  As Gorgeous One showed me all of his other antiques that The-Girl-with-the-Golden-Pussy could not possibly live with I got to thinking:  What does it take to get a man so whipped that he would completely redecorate his home for you?

I imagine this woman—tall, definitely slender, and vivacious—saying to Gorgeous One:  Baby, I would love to move in with you, but there’s one tiny, little problem.  I love you, but I hate your taste in furnishings.  It’s either them or me. 

Where does that kind of confidence—the audacity—come from?  What does it take to go from biting your tongue to pointing out the flaws of your man—and having him hungry for more?  I’ve never been The-Girl-with-the-Golden-Pussy, but I would sure like to grow one.     

This is where I am in terms of dating:

1.      No prospects

2.     No love

3.     No future (I do, however, have a pretty colorful past

4.     No one asking me to come in and give his living room a facelift

This is where I would like to end up:

1.      Multiple men to choose from—to start with, anyway

2.     Adoration from the man I am crazy about

3.     A future together

4.     A redecorating budget 

Please help!

Instead of getting the help I so clearly need and deserve,  I got this:

Dr. Love Genie, just a regular guy and not a dating coach, says:

The first three items on your “where I would like to end up” list are what everyone is looking for. The fourth is something one can only dream about! In all seriousness, it’s difficult (if not near impossible) to provide meaningful advice to help you find that special someone without knowing much more about who you are as an individual. From your story, above, we know that:

(1) you like ornate antique buffets;
(2) you like to haggle;
(3) you wear downtrodden clothing while you work; and
(4) you think that Gorgeous One is, well, uh, gorgeous.

What we don’t know is:
Who you are you as a person?
What makes you tick?
What qualities, other than attractiveness, do you most value in men?
What do you want a prospective partner to value in you?

In order for a dating coach to give you the best advice possible, you must be prepared to take a hard look in the mirror in evaluating your own characteristics. You should also hesitate to quickly draw too many conclusions about a guy who you know nothing about (except that you think he is hot). Going back to your buffet story, it appears that you concluded that Gorgeous One is a catch just because he is good looking. However, you looked past the fact that he stubbornly remained steadfast on the $85 price tag (though, perhaps you value a tough negotiator). You also appear to assume that he is with his girlfriend because she has a golden pussy. From what I can tell, both conclusions are based on nothing more than speculation, and this kind of dating thinking can only lead to disappointment as you prematurely build men up to what you wish them to be, only to eventually find out that the reality is another story.

It gets worse.  The “official dating coach” agrees with this not-the-least-bit-helpful assessment:

Hi Julie:
I agree with Dr.LG on this. It isn't quite fair for you to say that Gorgeous One's girlfriend has a golden pussy complex just because he's overhauling his furnishings for her since she's moving in. Perhaps she doesn't and all there is to it is that Gorgeous One is in love and wants to make her happy by being "proactive and compromises" with her on certain things.  As for becoming someone with a golden pussy, well for starters I'd like to know whether you know for sure (for yourself) what you're looking for in a man you want to be in a relationship with long-term? I say this because multiple men to choose from isn't really quite the solution to this. Secondly, are you happy with yourself and where you are in life? I ask this because happy, confident, positive men and women are very attractive to the opposite sex. Last, are you completely ready and open to attract the right man for you??? I ask this 3rd question because when we aren't in a good place in our lives yet, we put out that aura and attract the not so ideal individuals for us.  Best of luck on your search for your Mr. Right, Maria.

Seriously?  I ask a perfectly reasonable question, and this is what I get?  Grrr.  Biting my tongue, I write in response:

Dr LG--

Thank you so much for your well-reasoned reply. You are right--I leave out a lot of information about myself in this particular piece that could be helpful for someone trying to reply thoughtfully.

I made up the concept of "golden pussy" to illustrate that some women seem to have a distinct power over men and get them to do the craziest things in the name of love. I do not want to date Gorgeous One per se, what I'm really asking is if there are ideas for women like me who don't tend to wow men in this fashion so we actually become someone with a "golden pussy"? Are there things we can do differently besides not wearing clothes covered in paint while out and about? Are there keys to success for being completely desirable that I'm missing somewhere?

You're right. I want the same thing that everybody else wants. Is that really too much to ask? I find that many, many women are in the same situation where we look around and see women getting what we want and this leads me to wonder, "What is she doing that I'm not doing?"

Anyway, I would love to hear what you and others say about all of this.

What do I get?  Silence.  I'm still waiting on some reasonable advice, here people.  C’mon.  There’s clearly a piece to the dating puzzle I’m missing here.  Where do I find men willing to love me to such a degree they are willing to sell an antique buffet clearly worth $300 to some stranger for pennies on the dollar? How do I take my every day, average pussy and transform it into a miracle worker?