by Julie Robinson
It’s written in the stars. It’s fate. It’s utter bullshit—but this whole idea of a soul mate has a hold on a whole slew of people (yes, even you—Darrell) and this little tale I’m about to tell is either going to make you . . . . .
C. Come to Jesus
D. Call your mother
E. All of the above
Natalie knows what she wants. This is clear from the bold way she dresses to her long, graying hair that’s almost to the tipping point of making her look wicked. She’s gorgeous when she opens her mouth to speak, but you may not notice her until you get a taste of that brain power.
You feel the presence of love in room when she speaks about her husband of twenty-eight years, Fredrick, “He’s still the smartest man I know.” He smiles and winks to no one in particular as he takes a sip of wine. He plays the compliment off so smoothly it’s either they planned it or he’s heard it so many times before that he knows the best way to play it off.
The rest of us in our small party are not nearly as in sync. I’m the single girl just shooting from the hip with no direction and way too many prospects. The other “couple” in our party is content with keeping everything NSA and (therefore) Nothing Specific Anyway. I cannot in good conscience say anything about my date (it’s the whole bullshit thing about if you’re not saying anything nice . . . .) And, we’re having a great time of it. . . . .
A. We’re a hodgepodge mess
B. We’re in a fabulously Liberace-esque SO BRO lounge
C. I’m making a fool of myself trying to sing like Etta James
D. The food is as wonderfully gay as the décor
E. All of the above
So, after three glasses of wine even though it’s my friend’s birthday celebration, I just have to make everything about me, so we’re discussing different titles for my upcoming book and both Natalie and Fredrick pull out little pads of paper for me to write down my notes. We’re all throwing out ideas, I’m writing furiously, and then Natalie blurts out something about knowing that Fredrick was The One the first time they met.
Let’s stop right here.
Just in case you have never read my blog before—I really hate this it’s got to be fate-oh-my-God-can-you-believe-he-is-going-to-be-my-husband shit. I really do. I figure if there is only one man out there for each of us then the vast majority of us are probably going to be shit-out of luck. I only believe in fate when I have a déjà vu or a premonition—and I know even that makes me a little bit on the liberal side of the believing spectrum.
Natalie takes her glasses off and says, “We were engaged within 11 days of meeting each other and the whole time I was thinking to myself, what’s taking him so long? I met him when I was twenty-one, we have two amazing boys, and we’ve been married twenty eight years.” Fredrick across the table simply beams with pleasure. Natalie finishes with, “And now I’m twenty three.”
None of us are good at math so the joke gets lost on us for a second or two. At this point you might expect Natalie and Fredrick to reach across the table and hold hands or show some other hint of affection. After all, this is the sweetest, stickiest, fate-felt story we’ve ever heard. Nope. Natalie excuses herself to go smoke and we get back to the task at hand—my book title.
Maybe the kinds of bonds that start strong and finish strong are like that. Maybe, just maybe, you can predict who you will marry when the feeling is strong enough—even if you are very young OR very old OR very drunk OR very attached to somebody else. Personally, I have yet to actually marry any of the men I said I was going to marry the first time I laid eyes on them. Of course, I do this all the time. I go to bars, scope out guys, and make grand proclamations that they will indeed one day be my man. Don’t you? The fact that Natalie told her friend that she was going to marry Fredrick as he sat across the room from them—mind you, she uttered this before they ever met—only makes for a great story because it actually came true. The rest of us shoot these little Cupid’s arrows out all of the time at men and WE don’t get an engagement ring in less than two weeks. WTF? Natalie and Fredrick . . . .
A. May you live happily ever after
B. May you continue to live as happily as before
C. May your fate continue to bring you happiness
D. May you love each other forever
E. All of the above