Tennis, Anyone? Anyone?

by Julie Robinson

  Up until yesterday I have been moderately amused with a man on Plenty of Fish where we talked about meeting to play some tennis for our first date. . . . after getting 20 inches of snow dumped on us—it seemed to me like a good idea to come up with some kind of alternative plan.    

Below is our exchange:
Hi T:

Thanks for your email.  No, I don't play racquetball--but I do like to drink wine:)  Hope you are well and I look forward to figuring out what we want to do now that tennis is out for the time being.

Julie

Julie,

So it's clear to me that Julie might be interested in more than tennis.  Yes, I'm a bit slow but not completely dense.

Please don't take this wrong and be offended but I do want to ask you something...

I've been on PoF now for about 6 months and seen everything from people wanting to actually play tennis... to people wanting to have a long-term relationship... to people wanting to just enjoy the moment and if that means having consensual sex on the first date so be it.  I can say without too much shame that I have done all of the above (though the last one was extremely strange for me and the only time I have ever done that in my life... though at 41 after being married a long time, my views on sex outside of marriage have totally changed). 

So I guess to make sure we are both on the same page, what is it that you are after? 

Sorry this is probably a really offensive question but I really want to have an honest relationship with what we are after regardless of what it is.  I'm just asking this question because I did go on one date where it seemed expected that I have sex with the person and I wasn't in any way going to do that with them and it would have been nice to know up front to help prevent an awkward time.  And just in case you are wondering, I have my preferences but I'm not saying no to anything - I'm asking honestly.

OK, so now that my completely awkward question is out of the way, I can ask you what you would like to do.  I guess the reason I was asking the first question was to understand if that glass of wine was snuggled in one of our houses watching a movie or if it was at a local restaurant talking the evening away.
And YES, we better play tennis someday too or I'll be bummed!

Cheers,

/T

T,

Wow, that was awkward. I guess I don't want any of it.  Good luck in your search.

Julie

Julie,

Now you can see why I'm taking my PoF profile down... that seems to be all anyone is after. 
If you want an actual relationship, that would be awesome... pretty much everyone else just wants one thing--which is annoying.  I never quite know how to ask what someone is after but have learned I want to find out ahead of time to avoid expectations that I'm unwilling to fulfill.  I guess I'm pretty jaded against everyone on PoF at this point probably.

Sorry to have offended... but honestly if you were offended, you are probably who I'm after as strange as that may sound.

Anyway, hope you find what/who you are after.

/T

*  *  *

At this point I really want to write back with something snarky / bitchy / in-your-face-asshole-ish but I’m still reeling and don’t know even where to begin.  This seems like a clear example of needing to hit DELETE but I also like to leave ‘em better than I found ‘em and I would love to set this Bozo straight.

Do I explain to him how to treat women with respect?  Do I remind him that he put himself on a dating site so that he could date women?  Do I gently tell him to go fuck himself?

Seriously, who the hell does he think he is?  Why would any woman actually respond to his ridiculous questions seeing that he's asking it after exchanging only a couple of emails.  It is kind of sad he has become such extremely damaged goods.  I guess being with a sexually liberated woman after being married for so long put him in a tailspin. 

Poor baby.  Bless your heart!