Today’s post marks #100 on Dating Sure Is a Whole Lot of What? Not! I have been dating AND attempting to date AND falling in love AND ditching the losers AND writing all about it one hundred times.
In each post I write I literally take something from my own life to illustrate what to do and what not to do when dating men. Let’s face it, most of the time it’s what not to do. Below is the last installment of the Flip Side and illustrates the top five things I could improve on in my dating lifestyle:
5. It’s the Sex, Stupid My plunging neckline is the first hint of how the evening will go. Five-inch peek-a-boo velvety grape pumps are another clue. And my clingy halter dress? Is there really any doubt? Going on a first date with the intention of winning a man over with my sexuality may have been a good idea when I was younger (okay, it’s never a good idea), but these days it comes off a bit pathetic and desperate.
4. The Intoxicating Man I used to sleep with a man who would only tell me he loved me when he was drunk. He seemed incredibly sincere until the next morning and I had to ask myself—why can’t he continue loving me the morning after instead of denying it? I found both the emboldened, heavy drinking lover and his distant, hung over self to have an equally strong magnetic pull. I guess I told myself that both need me in their own way. There’s something very intoxicating about a lover who drinks with you.
3. Freaky More than Slutty First dates trip me up all the time even though I basically find myself out and about every night of the week. I went on a first date the other night and found myself arm in arm with a new cutie strolling down a seedier section of town on our way to go get ice cream. Our chemistry began heating up a bit right when we passed by a sex shop that caters to leather and chains more than feathers and lace. My super-sweet date nudged me a bit and asked—clearly without meaning it—if I want to go in and check it out. Without missing a beat I shot right back, “Do you need a new cock ring?”
2. Girl Chatter When we’re thrilled to have met someone new, someone who’s exciting, who seems to get us—and we ramble on and on about all of the things we’re excited about. Trust me, because this stream of I-can’t-believe-this-is-finally-happening-to-me comes from the heart (and, let’s admit—down there), mundane details like he doesn’t have a cat or that he appears to keep a spare toilet paper roll under the sink become REASONS why he’s just so damn perfect you can’t believe it! I know better than to rattle off all of the reasons why a new man and I are ideal for one another—intellectually I can give you plenty of explanations for how these forms of verbal intimacy too early in a relationship actually push men away. I’m aware AND informed AND still nursing a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth.
1. The Single Girl’s Guide to Happily Ever After I think I may prefer being single. The focus on you—and you alone—can be exquisite. It’s the kind of dangerous diversion where you find yourself exactly where you start, however. You either end up alone (like me) because you can’t for the life of you figure out why no one wants to be with you, or you end up with a new version of your old situation where you slowly, systematically drive your love insane. My whirlwind affair that excited me oh-so-much earlier this summer is a mockery of what it could have been. It’s over and I’m NOT getting back on the horse. You see, that White Stallion hasn’t really led me along the right path yet. I may be going fast and furious, enjoying the gallop—but that damn horse is taking me in the wrong direction. At this juncture, I prefer to walk. Ask for directions. Sit a spell and smell the flowers. I’m going to do it right. And I may just do it on my own.