Here is the third installment to The Flip Side--a series of short interview questions and answers about dating, relationships, and sex. I think it's safe to say that I am going to rot in hell . . . .
The last man I dated seriously was described by all of my friends as “really nice.” He was the kind of guy who did everything humanly possible out of the goodness of his heart. He was kind, generous, and super sweet. Why did we break up if he was so great? He told me I wasn’t nice enough for him.
The problem with nice guys is they believe that particular aspect of their personality is a positive trait—and in many situations they would be right. The rub comes when they choose being nice over anything else. For instance, when “nice” means being agreeable when you should just speak your mind, choosing to avoid conflict at all costs, and going along with all sorts of manly mischief—being nice is not doing anyone any favors. The thing I had the most difficulty with when dating this very nice man was that he believed it was more important to be pleasant than it was to be real.
Now I prefer to date men with more of an edge to them, so yes, I do blow off some really nice guys. I like the kinds of guys who say things because they mean them instead of worrying about a reaction. The men I favor are those who take me for who I am instead of who they wish I would be. They are okay with all of me instead of just the happy-go-lucky me. The not-always-nice guys have substance.
So, while it’s true that nice guys get a bum rap, I don’t hear too much complaining. There’s no uproar OR rage OR gnashing of teeth. All I hear is the low din of complacency.