I applied for a job recently where I was asked a bunch of questions about relationships, dating, and sex. Presumably, this was to determine a couple of things--Can she write? Does she have any idea what she is talking about? Would she be a good fit for our magazine? What on earth does she do with all of her spare time?
This is the first of eight installments where the tables are turned AND I have to fess up AND tell the truth for a change AND be the quasi-expert about dating and What? Not!--as if I know what I'm talking about . . . . I thought you all might be interested in seeing the flip side--my responses to the nosy shit I keep asking you to divulge.
Seeing that I pretty much date for a living, the question about what guys need to work on in the dating department really puts me up on my soapbox. I definitely have more than five pet peeves when it comes to what really irks me about the men I date, but here is the short list:
5. Shoes. Even though I feel a bit nitpicky and Seinfeld-esque mentioning it, shoes can make the man. I went out with a terrific, charming, and sexy man a few weeks ago who thought it was a good idea to wear black, fuzzy sneakers on our date. It put me on edge all night. I figure if a man can’t even dress himself well I will be responsible for that and all sorts of other nonsense if we ever become a couple.
4. Bad Kisser. If we get to the point where I’m actually kissing you, you have proven to me that you are worthy of that kiss. Now don’t go messing it up with your slobber OR twitchy tongue OR lip biting. Be a gentleman, be gentle, and leave the back of my throat alone.
3. Is This a Date or What? Many women I talk to have had this experience: They think they’ve been asked out on a date but because the guy was so wishy-washy with his request they don’t know for sure. I met a man at a party once who called me up the next day and said, “I’d like to take you out to dinner.” I loved his direct, smooth confidence and dated him exclusively for almost two years.
2. Location, Location, Location. No, I will not go out with you to Chili’s, Applebee’s, Outback, or McDonalds. It is not my responsibility to figure out where we are going to go on our first date. Choose a place that’s cozy enough to talk and lively enough to bring some energy to the date. Do your research.
1. The Exit. There is nothing worse than having what you think is a great date, investing over three hours into the evening, and realizing at the very end that you will never see this guy again. Two weeks ago I went out with a man who seemed dazzled by my presence—he was attentive, charismatic, flirty, and generous. When he walked me to my car I expected him to ask me out again on what would be our second date. Nope. I made the fatal error of mentioning a future meeting and was met with, “Yeah, we’ll see.” Yep, I sure do see—you are gone for good.