13 Conversations about One Thing (Or, At Least 13 Times I Wish I Had Just Shut Up Already)

by Julie Robinson

I used to be the kind of woman who literally moaned during a Matthew McConaughey film.  I guess I’m still that kind of woman, but I don’t make an effort to get to the movies much these days.  It was during this time that 13 Conversations about One Thing came out in theaters.  To be honest, I don’t remember the premise much, but this idea of repeating the same mistakes over and over again without really realizing it is something that occurs when midlife dating.  This is especially true when it comes to women and their mouths.

This girl chatter develops because of excitement.  We’re thrilled to have met someone new, someone who’s exciting, someone who seems to get us—and we ramble on and on about all of the things we’re excited about.  Trust me, because this stream of I-can’t-believe-this-is-finally-happening-to-me comes from the heart (and, let’s admit it ladies—the pussy), mundane details like he doesn’t have a cat or that he appears to keep a spare toilet paper roll under the sink become REASONS why he’s just so damn perfect you can’t believe it!

I know better than to rattle off all of the reasons why a new man and I are ideal for one another—intellectually I can give you plenty of explanations for how these forms of verbal intimacy too early in a relationship actually push men away.  I’m aware AND informed AND still nursing a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth.

And, just like you hate to admit it--but you know you contribute to slowing down traffic at a serious accident because of your rubber necking—you’re going to read the snippets of conversations below while cringing and saying to your partner, “She didn’t just say that now, did she? Henry, come read this . . . . No wonder she can’t keep a man.  ”

Get a Life

by Julie Robinson

Yesterday I tried having a conversation with some girlfriends about why I am choosing to avoid online dating.  While the discussion wasn’t heated, I could see that my idea to try and meet men more organically wasn’t going over too well.  I tried that for five years once.  Don’t you want to find love?  How are you going to meet men to date?  These are very valid points, but I am remaining firm in my decision to give up on trying / agonizing / working / to find a man and simply move forward with my life. 

What does this concept look like day-to-day? 

For starters, instead of telling myself that I need to get to the gym so I can lose weight—and then not going very often—I’m working out regularly while following a regimen that should have me ready for a sprint triathlon this February.  I’m diligently focused on getting my small business up and running.  I’m using my crock pot every day.  I’m buying (and absolutely loving) peaches from the farmer’s market. I’m saving up for a ski pass.  I’m curled up with my dog writing.

Exquisitely Solo

by Julie Robinson

What can YOU do solo?  Can you go out to eat all alone?  Enjoy a glass of wine at a patio bar full of people? Watch a movie in the theater on a Saturday night?  Attend a concert or sporting event? 

Normally, I prefer to go to bars with friends, but last Friday that wasn’t an option so I methodically applied my make-up, put on an Audrey Hepburn black dress, donned some heels, and set out on my own. 

My plan was to walk to a small neighborhood joint I had never been to before, get a great seat at the bar, and flirt with abandon.  Embedded in this plan was the idea that if I accepted the evening for what it was, made the absolute most of it, my good attitude would pay off and I would end up having a good time.

Word of the Week: Intimidating

by Julie Robinson

Some people date for fun, to get out of the house, and to help stretch that oh-so-miniscule paycheck.  Others of us pick it apart and study it like one of those unfortunate frogs found in 8^th grade science classes.  Seeing that my dating life resembles a formaldehyde-soaked cadaver, it’s probably not a bad idea to begin listening to the men I date and see if there is some mild tweaking I can do (or a complete overhaul) in order to appear more alluring and desirable.  What this really means, of course, is that I need to figure out why men find me intimidating.

I’m not the only woman in the world ignoring the fact that men believe she sets out to destroy their manliness on a daily basis.  No. The Internet is chock full of articles and bits of advice for women who find themselves alone despite the fact they have everything else going for them. 

Ten Ways Men Are like Bears (or, Why Midlife Dating Sometimes Feels like You’re Being Chased by a Grizzly)

by Julie Robinson

Living in Colorado, we all hear about bear sightings pretty regularly.  Most of the time these big, beautiful creatures lumber into backyards or campsites in search of people food.  Attacks are rare, but when they do happen, the bears end up being “destroyed.”  I’ve never completely understood why eating a peanut butter sandwich left in a cooler warranted the death penalty, but that’s the policy.

Personally, I have never seen a bear in the wild.  Similar to ghosts, I’m mildly curious to see one while also being pretty much scared shitless by the prospect.  So, while I’m no expert on bears—I had to look up information about THEM on the Internet—I do know a little bit about middle age men. Come to find out—bears and men are a lot alike. . . .