Women Say the Damnedest Things: The Ultimate Online Dating Profile

by Julie Robinson

Steer Clear, Gentlemen. 
This "Fish" is Crazy

  I like to play fair. You might think that this lack o’ cheating has something to do with a moral compass or some other reasonably positive personality trait—but you would be wrong. That’s right I do it for selfish reasons.  Surprise! (Well, maybe if you’ve read anything I’ve ever written it wouldn’t be that big of a surprise.)   

So, in the tradition of fairness, below is a montage of what I found when I read women’s profiles on Plenty of Fish.  As you probably know, I dish on men a lot.  Well, apparently women deserve a similar beating.  Why am I familiar with these profiles written by women?  Because I like to check out the competition, silly.  I may play fair, but I’m not stupid.

Everything in the compiled example below comes directly from a handful of online profiles written and posted by women.  As I cut and pasted, I haven’t changed a single word, punctuation, or spelling—but (let’s be fair, here) I have taken this all out of context:

CrazyLoveSpyder: “Basically Hopeless”

Holy u know what, Batman--I went from one end to the other when I changed my profile this week. I sound sooo serious, and I'm not! Do-over will be forthcoming! Crap, more time on this silly thing??!!
 
What can I say without sounding so cliche? This is always the hard part...talking about myself. I really don't enjoy this part I feel like a used car salesman!  I think my friends would describe me as outgoing and fun. Looking for sweet, loving, hard working and loyal.  Are you my needle in this haystack? Have you ever pictured in your dreams a Busty Botox Barbie? The kind of gal a man would write bad checks for? I hate to break it to you but she's not here...

Normal seeks same. How hard can THAT be, RIGHT???? A bit about me... I’m pretty normal and well grounded from life's lessons.  My Energizers are Sun, Water, Music, Workouts... I feed myself with these and then Energize the world . I am passionate about life! Passion takes many forms.  it's energetic!  If I ruled the world ...fun would be mandatory everyday! Looking for the guy who ranks high on the "Fun Factor Scale"!  Why Not? 

a left-handed middle child
hates spiders and dust
always ask too many questions
recently adopted a cat named Lilly
has a slight obession with baseball cards and Marvin The Martian

I don't approach relationships with the idea that there has to be an "end goal" or a wedding, but rather take it as it comes.  But really? Still dating? It was fun when I was 16. I'm 41, adventurous and compassionate. I have a few degrees. My ultimate dream would be to live in Yellowstone part-time to photograph and study wolves.

I am looking for a strong man who appreciates and treasures a woman with sparkle who wants, not needs him.  I am looking for a man between the ages of… oh lets say 32 – 46, CUTE & HONESTY is a MUST… Funny, Smart, lives close to me, who loves to cuddle up on the couch & likes go out and do things together... I can’t explain enough that I am sick of BS & Games… don’t waste my time or yours… Life is getting shorter and I / we are getting older... tho I wish there was away to fix that.. it would be great to have some one to spend my life with & grow old together.. I would like to get married some day to that great guy who is my best friend & partner in life some one who is caring loving and affectionate..

If you’re a player type person or a user, have numerous girls that you see cause you just cant make up your mind on which one you like best or just want to try them all.. plz move on, I dont share well.   Also I'm NOT looking for FWB* or NSA, unless you have something very special to offer & I just cant pass it up, then maybe I could be your playmate, lol..

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There you have it!  The most amazing profile EVER.  I can’t wait to take it live and see what happensJ

* Friends with Benefits / No Strings Attached